Noorjahan Akbar
I have been lucky to have incredibly supportive men in my life. My father has always fought for my rights as well as that of my sisters and other women. My brothers have taken pride in the work that I do, protested with me, argued with their friends for my rights and stood up for the rights of women in their own lives.
In contrast, growing up I noticed that the majority of the women and girls in my school were not only not supported by the men of their men, but discouraged and mistreated by them. In 8th grade, a friend of mine, Fatima, had to leave school because her father arranged her marriage in exchange for money. Their family was poor and her marriage was seen as a solution, though it gave birth larger, even more severe problems in her own life. The tragedy extended beyond her, most of my classmates stopped their education beyond high school as the men, and sometimes women, in their families felt their education was not necessary and a hassle for the family. Lack of security or job opportunities for women did not help. Today in Afghanistan, over 60 percent of marriages are forced, according to the Independent Human Rights Commission of Afghanistan. Fatima and many like her faced a terrible fate because of the lack of support for their rights in their own families and among the powerful members of the family, men.
As feminists, we often talk about issues. The majority of the articles written on women’s rights, perhaps rightly so, are about the problems we face. However, recently I have begun to contemplate on the power of positive feminism (yes, I did make that term up). In this model, I hope to provide positive models of change for men who are seeking to support women but do not know how and also encourage men who are doing things right. In order for men to join us as allies in the fight for equality, we must acknowledge their work and present it as alternatives for other men. Reinforcing positive habits has proven to be more effective in education and this is one example of how we can apply that to our struggle for equality. In this spirit, here is a mantra for men who believe in equality. May you multiply. May you be braver and louder.
“I am a man. I respect you as a full human being. I do not think you a commodity for my sexual entertainment. I do not think you intellectually or physically inferior. I am not ashamed to say your name with pride. I do not find my masculinity solely in my physical power. I do not use my hand for violence against you, my mouth for calling you a “slut,” my eyes for staring at you, or my masculinity for conquering and owning you. I will not let my silence protect sexism. I will not tolerate disrespect to you. I am your brother, husband, father, neighbor, friend, or colleague. I am not your owner.”